


"Because of me..."

by kawaii_writer0w0



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Boys' Love, Confessions, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Romance, Sad, Teen Romance, Wholesome, Winter, Yaoi, piggy-back ride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24028417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaii_writer0w0/pseuds/kawaii_writer0w0
Summary: Uenoyama being best boyfriend for sad Mafuyu (again) :( Idk guys, I just have a thing for sad-bois ¯\_(o  .o)_/¯
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu & Uenoyama Ritsuka, Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Kudos: 102





	"Because of me..."

The snow fell outside the door of the music studio where Given was practicing for their next upcoming live concert. They were opening for a well-known local rock band, so they'd only be allowed to play three songs. Tonight they decided to focus mainly on the song Mafuyu wrote for Ue who had been dating for almost a year at this point. They hadn't honestly done a whole lot of "romantic" or "intimate" things yet; they were just taking things slow and enjoying it.

The day leading up to this rehearsal was fairly normal for Mafuyu: breakfast with mom who was more quiet than usual, school, lunch with Ue on the stairs, more school, homework in the library with friends and then walking to the studio with Ue.

They played the song once through and then started to work on the riff during the bridge to lock in the rhythm a bit more. Mafuyu stopped strumming and singing when they got to that part and Haruki told the group "let's just work out this bridge for a few. Uenoyama, start us off and Mafuyu you can sit this one out for a sec. Cool?"

"'Kay" Mafuyu said as he pulled his phone out to check his text messages. There was one from his childhood friend Hiiragi that said: "you visiting Yuki's grave today?"

Mafuyu looked up from his phone to think about why he'd ask that, so he replied, "no...why?"

Almost instantly, Hiiragi responded "...today's the anniversary of his death...thought we could go there together maybe :/"

Mafuyu's heart immediately fell into his stomach. His face turned green as he stared blankly at his phone trembling in his hands. The music around him slowly died away as Ue noticed something was obviously wrong.

"Mafuyu...hey...you feeling alright?" he asked, but his boyfriend just stood there, continuing to stare at his phone. Haruki and Akihiko looked over with concern as Ue put his hands on his shoulders gently and leaned down to try and get his attention. Meanwhile, Mafuyu's head was spinning and everything around him seemed fuzzy and muffled.

_"I...forgot...the anniversary of Yuki's death? How...? I haven't really even thought about him at all in the last few months...I'm so happy with Ritsuka. Am I really allowed to visit his grave after falling in love with someone else? Does he even deserve a visit from the friends he left behind? No...I don't know. I shouldn't be thinking this way. He's gone. That's it. He's...he's gone...he died...he drank too much...and hung himself...because...of **me."**_

Suddenly Mafuyu clapped a shaky hand over his mouth and ran out of the studio so he could throw up in the garbage can outside.

"Mafuyu!" Ue called out and the other 2 band members looked at him as if to say: _what are you waiting for? Go comfort him!_

Ue ran outside just in time to catch Mafuyu who was in the process of collapsing. His breathing was labored and shallow. Ue held him up under his arms against his body and leaned up against the wall.

"Come on, we should get you inside."

"Mmm...not yet..." Mafuyu whispered; the cold winter air was helping with the nausea that swirled around in his stomach. He leaned into Ue and hung onto his jacket just barely enough to keep him standing.

Ue reached down to put his hand on Mafuyu's forehead but it didn't feel too hot.

"I'm sorry...I think I need to go home..." Mafuyu mumbled as he struggled to stand on his own two feet and shuffled towards the door. Just then he slipped on a patch of ice and Ue caught him once again.

"Okay that's it...let's go."

Ue asked Haruki and Akihiko if they could pack everything up once they were done practicing and that he'd come by to get their equipment from Haruki's house later. Of course their response was supportive: "Sure, you guys should get some rest. We'll take care of everything."

Despite how cold it was outside, Ue lifted Mafuyu up onto his back, hunching over and holding him up under his legs. Then, he began the long trek towards Mafuyu's apartment.

"Your house..." he muttered from behind Ue's head.

"What's up?"

"Can we go to your house?"

"Um...I guess. But why?" Ue asked.

"Mom's not home...it's too lonely..." Mafuyu answered, warming Ue's neck with his breath. Still confused about what could be wrong, Ue turned to go towards his house instead. Along the way, Mafuyu soaked up the warmth and comfort radiating from the nape of his neck* and sank down to rest his head on the hood of Ue's jacket which was pushed to one side of his shoulders.

* _considered a very sensual area in the Japanese culture_

The whole way back his arms were lazily drooped over Ue, much like his eyelids were sagging yet unable to close. His head was pounding while it drowned itself in thoughts of guilt over how Ue would feel if he knew how much he was thinking about his ex. This entire emotional roller coaster ride was leaving him emotionally exhausted.

Ue lugged his boyfriend through the door, called out "I'm home" between breathes and gently set Mafuyu onto the couch in the living room. No one answered so he figured his sister was at work. He sat on the coffee table across from Mafuyu who's face had become flushed in pink and red since getting in the house which felt too warm after walking so long in the cold. Tiny beads of sweat were beginning to dot his face.

"Lets get your coat off" Ue said as he helped Mafuyu remove some layers until he was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Ue carefully slipped his shoes off and tossed them towards the door. He went to the kitchen to grab a cold pack and a wash cloth, bringing them over to Mafuyu and gently dotting his face with the cloth. He reached out to put the cold pack to his forehead, but Mafuyu grabbed his hand before he could get there. He pulled Ue's hand towards his cheek instead, pressing the cold gel to his face and feeling comforted by the warmth of his hand at the same time.

"Ngh..." Mafuyu groaned quietly.

"Are you okay? Do you need some water?" Ue asked frantically.

"Mhm" Mafuyu nodded. Ue sprang up right away and in the meantime Mafuyu rubbed the cold pack all over his neck and face, leaving traces of moisture. He sprawled out on his back on the couch, leaving one arm flopped out to the side. Ue returned with a water bottle which Mafuyu proceeded to try to sit up and chug.

"Hey! Wait a second! You gotta go slow...dummy..." he pulled the water bottle away from his face, leaving a trace of water trickling down his chin while he coughed out the water he practically just inhaled.

 _"He must be sick or something...he's panting like a dog...maybe I should take him to the doctor..."_ Ue thought while he gently wiped his chin with the wash cloth.

"Hey...Satou..."

"Yeah?" Mafuyu asked as they both stared down at the floor.

"You've been acting weird since you were reading your phone earlier...did something happen?" Ue inquired but his boyfriend suddenly froze in fear.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't pry...just...I really care about you...and I'm your b-...boyfriend so...I'm just trying to say...I can handle it whatever it is. And you're allowed to lean on me when you're having a hard time." Ue spilled his heart out, face gaining more reddish tones by the millisecond.

After a full minute of silence Mafuyu finally whispered, "a year ago today...is when I found Yuki..."

Knowing full well what he meant, Ue's heart pounded in his ears and a lump jumped from his stomach up into his throat. He knew it was still hard for Mafuyu to think about Yuki. He couldn't bear the thought of the grief he must've felt all day.

"I completely forgot..." Mafuyu stared off into the distance with soft eyes and let out an airy chuckle before continuing. "Until Hiiragi asked if I was going to visit his grave tonight..."

"Oh, so that's when- " Ue started to speak but Mafuyu cut him off.

"Sometimes it feels like it was all my fault and I don't know whether I should try and forgive myself or forgive him for leaving me all alone...but really...none of it matters. I haven't thought about him in so long because...I have you now. And I think that's okay." Mafuyu looked up at Ue with watery eyes and sniffled.

Tears had been falling from Ue's eyes the moment Yuki's name was mentioned because for him that name was synonymous with his boyfriend's suffering and grief. They never talked about it much so Ue didn't even know all the details of what happened or how Mafuyu felt about it. Ue wiped his tears, hung his head and said, "thanks for telling me...it really means a lot."

"So you see? I'm not sick, just thinking too much," he said with a slight smile and a chuckle as if he was trying to make Ue feel better. Mafuyu sat up on the couch and grabbed the washcloth from Ue's hand so he could wipe up his tears. Ue grabbed his hand, making him drop the cloth, and softly kissed the under side of his wrist.

"Anyways...I never ate dinner. Want to order something and watch a movie?" Mafuyu asked as if everything was back to normal.

Surprised, Ue pictured them cuddling under a blanket on the couch for the first time together. A giant smile crept onto his face as he blinked the last tear from his eyes and eagerly replied: "hell yea."


End file.
